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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mainexpress' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, February 19th, 2009
5:25 pm
Cause its part of the deal.
The first lucky five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- What I create will be just for you.
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- You will receive your item before the end of the year (or sooner).
- You will have no clue what the item is going to be. It could be any number of things. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange and/or embarrassing (for me or you).

The catch? Oh, the catch is that in order to receive a gift, you have to re-post this and make and send out five surprises of your own, so if you aren't gonna follow through and make something for five others, you get nothing from me.

First 5 to see and post go. Even if you haven't seen me in 10 years. Or live a million miles away. That's what mail's for.

Comment with your e-mail address in "safer" format (i.e. screen _ name 4 5 2 3 at gmail dot com) so I can collect your real address!
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
9:09 pm
im aware
this hasnt been updated in 7 weeks.
i dont care.
school started again today.
ive got a madeline joke
but her parents would prob sue me
um what else?
driving test in 2 days
i hope i pass.
need to get a job.
and stop being so weird in general.
since i can spell it now.
Friday, July 13th, 2007
8:00 pm
mark dodge
is this amazing guy
who's nicer to me than any other guy has been
it's a bit scary to tell you the truth
but he thinks i'm pretty and nice
it's amazing
i wish i could take back everything i said to make him upset.
because he means so much to do.
i'm very sorry and confused.
i just hope he can sympathise.
because i want it to stay this way
nights in. not nights out.
7:45 pm
i've started a new
hand written
proper emo shit going into.
so sorry lj, you're out for now.
unless i write anymore in the letter graveyard.
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
10:31 pm
"Gig" tomorrow (mark says its not a gig though)
I'm tired and haven't packed anything for tomorrow oh noes.
Ah well.
Oh gee i'm quite excited. How gay =D
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
10:21 pm
Dear John,
I heard you had sex with her today. It kind of hurt. I expected it tbh. I suppose it was my bad with the timing and stuff. =/ Well we don't talk anymore, i don't even think we could be friends i didn't realise how much i fucking missed you til the gig. It hurt seeing you and not being able to have you. I hope you're happy with her. No one thinks it will last long.

You're one of the people i love most in the world and i think you're being the biggest idiot ever. =[ You were so fucked up after her last time i don't think she's serious she's messing with your head, she was hanging round with another guy all last week, she's an attention seeker and i'm not the only one frustrated about it. I'm so scared that if it fucks up again you'll be pushed over the edge =[ i don't know what i'd do without you i actually don't. Please stop talking to her or at least stop expecting it to be back how it was before.
I love you so much i wish you'd sort things out.

You're such a dick. I'll always love you more than anyone, i can't exist without you and if you can't see that now after 6 years you're not as smart as you like to think. Just because i don't shout your name from my rooftop doesnt mean i havent made an untouchable shrine for you in my heart. I want you to be all mine but it just would not work right now, you don't understand how i feel, that much is clear i just want to restart things because it can't go back to how it was and now is the wrong time to do anything about it. I just wish you would act like you knew what i mean and feel. =[
Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
11:58 pm
I shouldn't feel so sorry for myself.
But i do.
Fuck's sake.
Nick was just a twat.
But Tom was nice. =[
And John. But that wasn't my fault.
11:51 pm
I don't care if you see this
Ryan Lund

What the fuck is wrong with you? I tell you i want a break. You MUST understand, since a few months ago it was you who wanted a break, wanted to see other people after being together for five years. I don't want to hurt you and i do still love you but you're getting in the way of what i want.

I don't know what the fuck you were thinking today. You're a stupid hypocrite. I hate you. Eurgh seriously. I was just fine today with John but NO you have to "bump into" him after i've gone and then go back to his house. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? YOU CALLED HIM A TWAT THIS MORNING AND SAID YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM!? Oh and apparently he feels bad about you in general so thanks.

I wish you'd respect my wishes and just stay out of my fucking life for a while so i'm not so dependant. But no. Instead you fuck up what looked like something fun for me before it had even begun. Thanks a lot. In future i'll make sure you don't know who i'm with or what i'm doing. Because you're treating me like a dog or a child. Stop checking up on me, stop getting involved you weren't even friends with him that was the beauty of it.

Just let me fucking live.


Current Mood: irritated
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
11:57 pm
You probably dont remember me.
Nick Edwards,
Firstly i'm so fucking sorry.
I'm sorry for getting so drunk in the start. I wish we'd stopped at kissing.
I wish i hadn't made myself look like an easy slut.
But then i don't regret it because i might never have gotten that chance ever again.
And i'm sorry for humiliating you with the thrush thing.
But i was so fucking annoyed with you going round telling people and calling me a "drunken mistake". You weren't drunk love, i was.
And that afterwards you told me you were interested in charlotte (which i'm pleased to note hasn't worked out neither have any other of the girls you've gone after)
But that was me getting back at you.
And it was good just to talk to you.
Because when you smile my stomach does this wierd flip-flop.
And when you come into the room i can't help but stare and i can feel my heart getting faster and my face getting flushed. And i know that you look at me when i walk past, the only reason i look straight ahead is because i will look like a smiling red faced loon if i look at you and our eyes meet.
And i tell you right now i would give up all my rights as a woman to be the one on your arm.
I'm not even joking.
You made me feel like the only girl in your world that night.
And i want to feel it again so badly.
I'll be waiting for you but there's not long left now. The days are passing so fast.
I'm holding out. I just wish you didn't hate me or whatever.
Maybe i'll get the courage to talk to you again, without it being a dig at you.
8:02 pm
Dear Bitch,

Do you know i was tempted to text you the other day and tell you i missed you, i was looking back through old photos. Then i though no?! Why should i be the one to make things right? I'm not the one who's done anything wrong.

If it was me in that situation. If it was me, whose best friend was accusing her of fooling around with her boyfriend. If my best friend said that. And made my boyfriend break up with me. If i was accused of doing that and it wasn't true, i would say to my best friend that her boyfriend is a liar and i didn't do anything with him. If i did, however, i would say to my best friend, "I'm sorry, i understand if you don't talk to me anymore" and i would either fight for my boyfriend or tell him i dont deserve him.

What i wouldn't do, is completely wipe you from my life. I don't feel bad, don't think you make me feel guilty putting shit on your myspace about your "true friends" and people who are "only there for you in the good times" because i stuck my fucking neck out so many fucking times for you. You're the one who pissed your boyfriend off every fucking day, constantly having fights, you were the one who was always fucking unhappy and i was the one cheering you up.

And you hurt me. Why would i believe you over my boyfriend? What would he gain from saying that!? And if you were innocent why act so guilty?

Anyway, since you don't seem to care that you were practically in love with me for 3 years and worshipped the groud i walked on (i was a pretty fucking good friend) i suppose this is it. And i don't particularly miss your whining fucking voice or your crappy hair. (By the way James said the other night you were only friends with me because you wanted someone cool to hang around with. I laughed in a scathing way and i wish you'd heard and hurt.)

Goodbye you boyfriend stealing lying ugly hussy.
Your former best friend/adviser/lover.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
10:51 pm
Eurgh im horrible now.
Told him i'd got an infection.
It was meant to be hillarious, he was meant to get mad.
But instead he got all worried about how i was.
He still makes my knees go jellyoid.

Then he told me he doesnt not like me. Just not as a gf. And hes not mean to me cause ive not been mean to him. (As if) =[

I'm not his type.
I'm gonna hide my septum and start dressing more normally in a bit. See if it works =[
I like him a lot.
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
12:35 am
Things i have learned this weekend:
1. I can pick one or more men at 6pm and by 10.30pm have both of them all over me and not feel bad about it.
2. I like sex, not generally who it's with.
3. The reason you shouldn't do stuff the first time you meet a guy is you risk becoming fucking obsessed and no one likes that.
4. He's a fucking hotty.
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
12:03 am
Here's to the past.
I don't like how everything is now.
It may be better for you.
But it's worse for me.
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
12:42 am
If i could have one wish
My wish would be to go back and never have met you.
Wouldn't it be easier right now?
No more pain.
Thursday, July 27th, 2006
1:24 pm
I don't
Want to die and not have had you.
Your eyes are really plain, like not plain, but you wouldnt think there are so many hidden depths.
Monday, July 17th, 2006
11:21 pm
It all seems
Everything seems nothing now.
I need a good LONG book to lose myself in.
That's one of the only times i'm happy.
When i'm believing in the unreal.
Wish i could go back there again.
I miss it.
I miss them.
I'm growing up.
I hate it.

I want to go back to that small room at the end of the hall with the bumpy walls and the bed with a blanket on. And just. Sink away.
Sunday, July 16th, 2006
10:09 am
So the wanting to meet me was pure curiosity, not, as i was to believe, because you actually liked me.
And the flirting, was just that, flirting.
Because you had nothing else to do with your time and no one better to spend it on.
Saturday, July 15th, 2006
11:36 pm
Hurts more than you think
What the hell!? Don't wait for someone to tell you this is love. You're missing your chance and your silence is breaking her heart!
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
11:33 pm
Thinking about something to do with punishment.
Ill again.
Sweating again.
It stopped for a couple of days.
Up early to stick my hands in broken glass, thankyou wankers.
I've lost my book...again.
How the fuck am i supposed to finish it?!
I should type it up.
Also just found a thick wad of paper.
Me and Pete's only webcam session.
Oh man i should burn that. ¬.¬
No dignity what so ever.
I need to make my bed.
And wash my sheets.
They're all sweaty and probably really gross with other stuff.
Thursday, July 6th, 2006
11:51 pm
You suck.
Tell me straight.
Botox for my new school.
Because i hate hate hate sweating this much.
Sorry if you dont like it.
But you never claimed my body as yours.
So you can't control what happens to it.
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